i really can't take it anymore. i miss home very much ! i miss my friends, i miss my family, i miss my life there.....
i donno how to blog with proper english now, sorry bout it.. i got no time to think of anything....
Just had my dinner.. my worst dinner in these 19 years of my life. i really cant take it anymore. i feel really bad now, lack of oxygen... wanted to cry, but can't cry loud... do you know how hard is this???
I went to the kitchen to cook my own dinner just now, and 4 of my flatmates... 2 malaysian, 1 from hong kong, and white thta u see in the pictures.. they were all cooking and having their dinner. Suppose to be something that is happy, cos at least i no need to eat my dinner alone. but they were all cooking together ! sharing their meals... they were all eating same meals..and i was like the odd one.. cooking my own meal, eating someting that is different as theirs. i cant get my meal back to the room, cos they will think i am weird or whatever it is... i have to sit beside them, eat together with them... don't know what to say... speechless when they were all laughing and joking. Why cant they just knock my door, ask me to have dinner together? i really feel like i am being alienation... i don like that kind of feeling... i really feel like flying back now !
i am regret to get here....
same thing happen yesterday.. about the brighton trip.. i cried in the coach when everyone is sleeping. i feel sad for walking along the street my own, i feel really touch when i heard chinese songs from my mp3.. i wish my friends are here with me. I donno how long i can stand this kind of life..... I am really being alienated.... arggghhhhhhhhhh ... i cant take it anymore...... cant imagine that i have to be like this for the whole year....
i feel so helplessss.. i will really become crazy later when i study psychology.... god... anyone can help me with this???
i thought i am strong, i thought i am independent, i know i can go through all these no matter how tough it is.. i know i can do it.. but i failed, eventually i lose to myself... i cant take it... i wish there is someone here.. let me to hug.. consoling me that.. telling me that i am brave... i can go through everythingg......
for those who read this entry, please don tell my parents or my relatives about this.. they might be worry bout me.
sorry.. i am just blog here to express myself.... i will die if i keep all this in my heart...
联络号码和emails！！保持联络了哦～
18 years ago
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6 comments:
I think everyone will have the same feeling wif u if leave everyone here n live alone..
dun keep think of the life in msia jor la,gonna start a new life there mar...later u start ur class will b better de..
dun worry wor...
haha,better I ask ur ingroup 2 c tis..
stay tough n take care lo..
Don't be so sad leh,
read ur blog also will cry =.="
stay happy bahh! next week need to start ur class edy, don't think so much.
the first time i leave kl, even its not really far from home. but i got the same feeling with you. tell you honestly, till this year i only got some friends to eat dinner with me. means i spend 1 year to look for friends and i ate dinner alone for 1 year. let's think the other way, maybe now u feel worst, but maybe when university start will be different (maybe will know some friends there?). don't wait them to start, just knock their door to ask whether want to have lunch or breakfast together or not. you start first, it might be work. i'm not a pro in this kind of stuff, but zhenglin father teach me everytime when u want to get close with someone, the easy way is ask them to having a meal together. don't think too much alone, it will make u crazy. should enjoy your life there, not make your ownself suffer.
cannot la, i just don feel like getting close to my flatemates. they are really.... i donno what to say// arrogant maybe... they just think they are great just because they speak fluent english and they got "white" friends... argghhh
i know i am not the only one who pass through all these, i know everyone did experience the same things...but i just found that's really hard for me to adapt here..haih...
but don worry =p i will definately cop with all these back to malaysia with pride
guess what i lack is just some courage and time.. i really need some times to cop with all these...
hahahaa..that what i want to listen from you. give some faith.
well.. do u know who am i?
i am your sister !!! LoL ~
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